3 Biblical Truths for Moms When You No Longer Recognize Yourself

1. Identity Versus Role

Christians have one identity but many roles. An identity is who you are; a role is what you do. This is certainly an oversimplification and even crude handling of something so sacred and complicated. However, a difference must be made in practice because of the difference in doctrine.

Colossians 3:3 "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

Luke 9:23 "And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'"

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Philippians 1:21 "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Romans 12:1 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

This survey is not exhaustive, but it is clear. We believe this doctrine that we must die to the self, die to sin, die to the passions of this world, because Jesus says it multiple times in multiple ways in Scripture. Why do we need this? Because like Ephesians 2:1–10 says, we are dead in our sins and in need of a Savior, in need of Jesus. Only when we are recreated in His likeness can we accept God’s forgiveness for our sins. And practicing this? That takes daily faith and repentance for when we get it wrong.

Our roles, however, are what we are called to, and this is different for each person and even varies at junctures and seasons of life. Your identity in Christ will never change; your roles can. Some roles are more temporary (job title, friend, volunteer) than others (pastor, parent, spouse).

The phrase “in Christ” appears 91 times in the Bible. Quick grammar lesson on prepositions—they tell us the relationship between two things. The preposition in shows us one thing is surrounded by or immersed in another: in a swimming pool, in the air conditioning, in the woods. Consider a house. It is made up of several rooms, but it is still one house. You can pass swiftly or slowly from room to room, and you are still in the house. Christ as your identity is that house, and the rooms function as your roles. One room is labeled “student,” which you exit for the next room titled “motherhood”—both are still in the house but function in different ways.

The book of Ephesians demonstrates this astutely. Chapters 1-3 show us our identity is in Christ: in him we have obtained an inheritance (1:11); even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (2:5); but now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ (2:13); in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God (3:12).

Chapters 4-6 tell us that with our identities we take on godly roles: walk in a manner worthy of our callings (4:1); speak truth with one another (4:25); walk in love (5:1); submit to husbands (5:22); love wives (5:25); obey parents (6:1); obey masters (6:5); be strong for battle (6:10).

2. A Biblical Worldview of Your Roles

If you feel like you don’t recognize yourself, then I would ask what reflections you are expecting to see. If you align with all this doctrine, then where are your practices coming from? Don’t let culture tell you what your strengths are, what your reflection should be, or what your image should portray. If you claim Christ, then put to death the desire to be a victim of your own life, for that is truly culture’s calling for mothers.

Instead, recalibrate your hierarchy of labels in this order: worshipper, wife, mom. This is how you order your affections, not necessarily your time. I remember many mornings of my solitude with the Lord being interrupted by my middle daughter’s internal clock of 5:30am. I may have said, on many occasions, with an eye roll: "Momma needs to see Jesus before she sees you," but she needed attention and breakfast—she needed me! My affection for God as a worshipper was not diminished because I shortened my time with Him. Likewise, many date nights have been interrupted with a sick kid or a basketball game change—this doesn’t mean my marriage devalues.

Consider what Scripture says about your roles:

Your role as a worshipper:

Our first affection is for God, and all He calls good. This is not just a heart posture but actionable items of obedience for our good.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:25–27

“No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God.” 1 John 3:9

Your role as a wife:

As wives, we have a great privilege to submit to our husbands as the church submits to Christ, the head and husband of the church. This will be our greatest glory in eternity!

“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:24

“And let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Your role as a mom:

Scripture not only speaks of the role of the mother but also the intimate gentleness that is in the nature of a godly woman.

“As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem." 1 Thessalonians 2:7: 

"But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.” Isaiah 66:13

“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” Proverbs 1:8-9

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” 2 Proverbs 22:6

3. What Does the Lord Require?

Our identity is in Christ. Our roles are how we serve others as Christ did. It is no wonder, then, that the answer to what God requires of us is also an emptying of the self:

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8

Ultimately, we gain the best reflection of all when we follow the plight of that grain of wheat:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:24-25

Again, this practice is hard! And our God is big enough and kind enough to hear that from you. When we find ourselves drowning in repetitive tasks, reading countless board books, struggling to keep up with their technology, wanting to slap an “Uber” sticker to car window, we can play this on repeat: “By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:19–20