Why We Need to Stop Feeling Sorry for Singles

In life, there are times when it can be easy to place assumptions on someone or something that it instantly deserves pity. For single people, it is easy for others to place words of comfort upon them, almost as if they are suffering from a disease or disability. Although hearts and intentions are in the right place, you don't need to feel sorry for singles.

Why Are Some People Single?

There is never just one reason why someone finds themselves single. Life is never so simple that it boils down to just one reason for anything, including relationships. It is also important to recognize that God has His own reasons for allowing or not allowing a relationship at a certain time in someone's life. Even those who step outside the will of the Lord may eventually find themselves single because the relationship they were running after was not healthy, beneficial, or correct. At other times focusing on their careers does need to take the focal point (after a relationship with God, of course). Family issues or even inner heart work can also take a significant section of focus, and a relationship would actually be a deterrent to the end game. Whatever the reason being single can prove the best and healthiest option for many, not something to be cured.

The Purpose of Singleness

We live in a culture where the answer almost always seems to be a romantic relationship. From movies to books, it is ingrained in our society that the sure solution to a problem is a ring. Although God made humans for relationship with one another, it is pertinent to realize that every season has a purpose. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam had a period of singleness in all its perfection. It is not told exactly what, in total, the conversations, growth, or knowledge consisted of during the time, but it is clear that God saw it fit that, for a time, Adam needed to be alone. If this had not been the heart of the Lord, then we would have seen Adam and Eve made at the same time, but that is not how the story would follow. In our own lives, there are times when God needs us to be alone with Him for a time before He can place us in a relationship. There is a purpose to be born, lessons to learn, and the most important relationship of all with Christ to be strengthened. Even when a spouse comes along, you will still need your first love of God to be just that, your first love. No relationship is as important as the one fostered and cultivated with our Creator. It is important to realize, too, that God allows for specific events in the season because He can see the bigger picture. Ecclesiastes 3 shares, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens." Our Father knows more than we do, and we must trust Him in the timing of our own lives.

Singles Can Have Fulfilling Lives Too

For most singles, although they are missing a romantic relationship in their life, it does not mean their life is without love, beauty, and adventure. Many are called to exciting ventures in the way of careers to pursue, achieve, and learn lessons from. For others cultivating a rich life of connection can be very fulfilling through friendships, family relationships, and community outreach. Love takes many forms, not only that of romantic love. This is not to say that the desire to be married is nonexistent, but it is to say that it is not the only form of love, and love of all kinds is necessary to fill a heart and life. Singles also have a distinct opportunity to grab hold of prospects that would be harder to obtain or take part in if they were in a relationship. Even if they are simply living a quiet life, there can be fulfillment in the season of just being still and doing life alone. Marshall Segal says on timing, "If God leads you to marry, you may never again know a time like the one you're in right now. A season of singleness is not the minor leagues of marriage. It has the potential to be a unique period of undivided devotion to Christ and undistracted ministry to others. With the Spirit in you and the calendar clear, God has given you the means to make a lasting difference for his kingdom. You're all dressed up, having every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Eph. 1:3), with literally everywhere to go." Living life alone does not mean doing life lonely.

How to Encourage Single Friends

Instead of feeling sorry for singles, help them feel excited about the place they are in their lives right now. One thing is a constant, which is change, so some may regret not enjoying their season of singleness to its fullest. Help them to see how their value, worth, and how much they matter is not dependent on a ring on their finger; rather, it is solely based upon what God says of them. Highlight the beauty they bring not only to your life but to the lives of others as well. Don't marginalize them simply to the label of being "single." Instead, see them for all the facets and pieces of what makes them wonderfully unique and one of a kind. Singles don't need your pity; they need you to see them for who they are, with or without a spouse.

A Prayer for Singles

Father God,

Thank You for being such an intentional and loving Father to each and every one of us. Although we can often fall into the trap of believing that in order to have a life of value, we must have a spouse, stellar job, house, and material items, we pray today that You will help us not fall into such a snare. For God, You know the timing of each of our lives, and You know what is best in such seasons. Please help singles to embrace the season they are in and to see that there is worth in each day. Be it what they are working towards in their career or be it what You are growing the garden of their own hearts, we know that Your purpose is more important than anything else. For those of us in relationships, please help us understand how to lift up and encourage the singles around us so that they do not feel pitied or awkward but seen and known for exactly who they are. Lord, finally, we pray for the godly Kingdom marriages You desire to bring about on this Earth. Lord, may Your Will be done on this Earth just as much as it is in Heaven truly, and may marriages be deeply and firmly rooted in You.

Thank You, Father.

In Jesus' Name,


Photo credit: ©GettyImages/DGLimages

Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring youth and spending time in nature. She is the author of Hang on in There, Girl! and Dear Future Husband: A Love Letter Journey While Waiting for God's Best. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan. 

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