Find Your Unique Fit - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - June 23

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Find Your Unique Fit
By Michelle Lazurek

“Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing because whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” John 5:19

In the first church we pastored, I struggled to find my role. As a 22-year-old woman, I knew little about being a pastor's wife. One day, the woman, an elder's wife and director of the children's church, came and approached me. “Do you want to be a part of this year’s VBS?” She asked. As I gave her a look of hesitation, she quickly replied, “I'm only asking because our former pastor's wife used to do it every year. But that's okay. You don't look like someone who wants to be part of a children's church.”

I realized then that I was trying to wear someone else's shoes. To be like the other pastor’s wife, I plugged myself into positions she had held, only to find they weren't the right fit for me. Like a pair of oversized high heels, I clogged around in the church, trying to fit myself into shoes I was never meant to wear and forcing myself as a square peg into a round hole.

I realized I didn't have to be like anyone else as I grew older. God had a unique place for me in the church, and I could find it myself. As I explored ministry options. I settled on women’s ministry. Eventually, I took great joy in helping women's groups lead Bible studies and organize women's events.

Growing into my role was challenging. In the first years of our marriage, my husband tried to fit me into his expectations. Bowing to the unmet expectations of the church's leaders, he would constantly suggest I do certain things. But as I grew into my own role, I realized the only person that I was hurting was myself when I did those things. I needed to be my own person, establish my unique vision, and do it, even in the face of disapproval.

Once I figured out my unique role, I talked with my husband. He was supportive and wanted to make sure I was happy in my new role. Once I established with him that we each had unique roles yet worked together, we were much happier serving as a couple.

After 25 years of marriage, as a pastor and pastor’s wife, we've found unique roles within the church. It wasn't easy at first to discover our roles. I struggled not to be like the last pastor's wife. But I realized I was only imposing those expectations upon myself. It didn't matter what other people wanted me to do. I wasn't doing the church any favors by trying to be someone I wasn't.

The above verse tells us that even though the Trinity has separate roles, they work together as one. Jesus did nothing apart from his father. He could do only what he saw his father doing. Once Jesus left, the Holy Spirit became a comforter, a convictor of sin, and a revealer of truth. Neither one is any better nor worse than the other; they are all equal, even though they have unique roles.

As in marriage, everyone in the church must find their unique fit or role. Neither spouse needs to conform to the expectations of the church or society to make their marriage work. In some marriages, the woman does most of the house cleaning and household management. In other households, the man does most of it. Whatever works for the family is your unique fit. Don't conform to anyone's spoken or unspoken expectations of you. Discover your unique roles as a couple, then combine them so you can serve together in harmony, not in disunity.

Father, help each spouse discover their unique role within the marriage. Please help them find their unique gifts and talents to fit together. Allow their unity in marriage to spread to their service as a couple within the church body. Allow them to be the people you want them to be, and allow them to serve in unity. Amen.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/gorodenkoff

Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spritual Reset Podcast. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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