What Does Family Discipleship Look Like in a Busy, Chaotic Household?

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What does family discipleship look like in a busy, chaotic household?
By: Laura Bailey

I am always amazed by the calm morning schedules of families on television. You know the fictional family that has 10 kids, parents who both work outside the home (oh, and on their farm), multiple pets flitting around, and still manages to gather together around a continental breakfast—fully dressed—before leaving for the day.

My kids always laugh because it never fails. When I see these types of mornings portrayed, it sends me spiraling—because, well, our mornings —dare I say, our days — look nothing like that.  I have to remind myself that this is, in fact, fiction; reality is quite different. At least in our house, and I am guessing likely yours too.

The other day, I looked at our schedule, and I thought, “When did life get so busy?”  On top of the day-to-day minutiae of life, such as work, school, and church, our calendar is filled with many good things: softball games, celebrating friends’ birthdays, and a church-wide cookout.  Our family prioritizes church attendance; we say “no” to teams that play during our church’s gathering times, and make it a point to place time with our church family first on the calendar. But one thing our family struggles with during the chaotic season of raising our three girls (ranging from 7 to 12) is how to incorporate a time of family discipleship at home when our days are already long and packed.

In speaking with other Christian parents, I know that I am not alone in this struggle. The desire is there, but the “how to” is still something we are trying to navigate.

If my family is already attending church regularly, do we really need to prioritize family discipleship?

Short answer: yes. Let me explain.

Corporate worship has many benefits; fellowship with other believers strengthens and encourages our faith. Our salvation means we are not only saved for eternity with God, but also adopted into a family of believers (Ephesians 1:5). Just as you would spend time with your biological family, it’s important to be around your brothers and sisters in Christ. However, church attendance should complement, not replace, family discipleship.

While sitting in the pews or attending Wednesday night student groups only adds to our children’s spiritual tool belt, Christian parents aren’t meant to outsource the discipleship of their children — not to the church, not to a school, not to a podcast, and not to their child's peer group. That responsibility belongs at home, in conversation, in the everyday moments where faith is either passed on or quietly lost. Teaching the next generation has always been important.

In a cultural moment where the spread of ideas that contradict Scripture is faster and more relentless than at any point in history, it has become urgent. Our children will need more than an hour a week of biblical instruction to move from an inherited faith to one they can own.

How can we keep faith part of daily life with our packed schedules?

I remember sitting in my boss's office at the sprightly age of 29, just returned to work after having my first baby. I lamented my lack of sleep, the endless diaper changes, and (what I believed) a significant lack of time to get anything done. “You think you don’t have time now, wait until your daughter gets older, or if you have more children, then you will really be wondering where the hours go,” he chuckled.

Fast forward a decade, and we’ve added two more children, numerous extracurricular activities, and a few more animals, and I now fully understand what my manager meant. When we are juggling multiple schedules, it can be difficult to carve out a time when the whole family is available– and locked in for family devotions.  For instance, my family is all here in the mornings, but my middle daughter, who is often spotted wearing her “allergic to mornings” nightgown, isn’t ready to dive into God’s Word within minutes of waking up. Conversely, my youngest daughter struggles to keep her eyes open during Bible time before bed.

For years, I felt defeated because I wasn’t able to consistently gather the kids, sit down for 30 minutes, actively engage them with questions, and tie up our time together with a personal prayer and a takeaway. Add on trying to balance multiple devotional books to meet their different ages; it was exhausting.

One day, I was listening to a sermon about how Jesus loved to ask his disciples questions. Jesus, the master teacher, would often respond to His followers’ questions with a question, engaging them in a dialogue rather than a monologue of information.

I had been thinking about how I was approaching family discipleship. It wasn’t sustainable for our family in our current season to sit down at the same time each day and give each child 30 minutes of undivided attention to study the Bible. But what we did have were multiple opportunities throughout the day to start a faith conversation.  By “picking up and putting down” our conversation, we were weaving Scripture throughout our day; we were thinking about it between our talks, and the whole family became engaged and involved.

How Do You Start the Conversation?

Determine the best time for your family.

We make the most of our time in the car. The average family spends 5-10 hours a week shuttling kids from place to place, and that doesn’t even account for downtime.  There is rarely a time when all five of us are in the car together, but there are many opportunities to build on previous conversations.  “ Yesterday, on the way to softball, what did you and Dad discuss about Sunday’s sermon?” is often a question I will ask of my daughters, and that opens the door for us to continue the conversation and add in our own thoughts.

Keep it Simple.

I worried that if I chose a devotion for my tween, my 7-year-old wouldn’t understand, or if I chose one for my 10-year-old, her older sister would check out. But I found that by choosing one Bible verse or question each week and focusing on that alone, we were able to adjust to their different ages. And, kids are great teachers for other kids. All of us learning together opened the opportunity for one of my daughters to step in and break down a more complex concept for their younger sister. Our girls became more invested because they were also involved in the conversation. It wasn’t just their father and me talking at them, but we were all talking together– teaching each other.

Recommended Resources

The Bible Recap is a great program for families because it first reads through the entire Bible and second puts all the information in one place. This program takes the guesswork out for parents, with Bible reading plans, a 5-7-minute recap of what you read, and, if you want, discussion questions. They even have a version specifically for kids! Oh, and it’s available in a podcast, which makes for easy listening in the car!

The New City Catechism is a free app that presents 52 questions on the Christian faith. What I love about this program is the amount of interaction it provides for families, specifically with understanding what you believe and why it matters.  And, if you want to go deeper ( all in the same place– yes!), they have Scripture readings, devotionals, and commentaries to reinforce the concept covered.

Just Start.

As much as I would like to, I am not going to get in better shape by continuing to eat food I know is bad for me. I have to start making better choices to see results. The same is true of family discipleship. If you desire to have your children in God’s Word, then you have to make it a priority to open the Bible and start the conversation. We will miss some days, maybe even a week or two, but that doesn’t mean we should abandon the process altogether. Any time in God’s Word is beneficial—let’s make it a plan to teach the next generation to understand what they believe, why it matters, and how it impacts the way they live.

For more Bible study resources for you and your children, check out this collection of lessons on Bible Study Tools!

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

Laura Bailey is an author and Bible teacher who encourages women to understand what they believe, why it matters, and how to apply biblical truths to their lives. Her recent book, Embracing Eternity in the Here and Now, explores how the timeless truths of Ecclesiastes help us live more peaceful, purposeful, and plentiful lives today.

She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com connect on Facebook and Instagram.