Inspect, Don’t Expect

Audio By Carbonatix

If you have kids, how many times do you walk in the house and trip over a backpack or coat laying on the floor? Upon entering the kitchen, you can tell immediately that your children made a snack because the evidence is all over the counter. Not what you expected! Or maybe your wife stays at home with the children, and when you get home you wonder why the house isn’t cleaner or why dinner isn’t on the table. You also expect a little attention when you walk in the door, but the only interaction you get is a tail wagging against your leg and a wet nose nuzzling into your hand.

All of this leaves you frustrated and unhappy. You have expectations when you walk in the door. The problem is that your family either isn’t aware of those expectations or they are unable to meet those expectations for various reasons. As far as kids go, they are usually just more focused on themselves.

I find that when people have unmet expectations, situations can turn negative rather quickly. These people start believing they’ve been shortchanged somehow because, for them, their expectations are deserved, whether or not they were agreed upon with the other parties involved. Many times, they were never even communicated, much less agreed upon! It’s usually something one spouse just expects because of the patterns that existed in their family of origin. If a person’s mom or dad had certain expectations, then they tend to grow up with those same expectations.

That’s why I think there’s a better way to walk into the house. Next time you walk into the house, you should seek to inspect instead of expect. What I mean by this is to make sure you consider what you are bringing to the table. Are you bringing joy, happiness, or peace when you walk through the door?

This is something I began to do in my own life many years ago. I remember that about two weeks into the experiment, my wife asked me what I was doing that was different. I asked her what she meant and she said that she noticed that when I came into the house, I was bringing joy and happiness, which was something she recognized that I hadn’t been doing a few weeks before. I explained how I was trying to inspect myself first instead of expecting things from her. And I remember she asked me not to stop.

I can honestly say that I haven’t stopped since that time. Before I walk through the door, I pause and inspect myself and then think about what I can do to help my family. Then, unbelievably, my expectations change so that my family wins more of the time. The beauty is that I still expect certain things to happen in my home, but when I work on myself first, those other things seem to happen.

Of course, don’t expect this change to happen overnight. However, I believe that if you try to inspect first, I expect you will win more often at home.