Key Relationship Traits

Audio By Carbonatix

As I think about the things that help create the foundation of a strong relationship, I find myself thinking of a few key character traits: honesty, reliability, openness, kindness, and being invested in the relationship. I’m sure as each person reads through that list, there are a couple of those traits that stand out as being especially important to you. I’m sure lots of people have other traits that they would want to see added to that list too. It is certainly not an exhaustive list, but I think we’d all agree that it’s a great start for the traits we would like to see in ourselves and our loved ones.

Because that’s the case, we know that this is also a good list of the things that our loved ones would like to see in us. So, I want to spend a little time looking at each trait and asking you to evaluate how you’re doing with living them out in your life and relationships. This is not about making anybody feel bad or “less than”—rather, it is to remind us all of where the bar is and encourage us to grow and reach these goals.

First is honesty. It’s first on the list because it’s such a key part of a strong relationship. If you can’t trust what your loved ones tell you, you don’t know how to move forward in a given situation. And if other people can’t trust what you say, they feel the same way. Is being honest a priority for you, or do you sometimes hedge things in a way that makes you look better than the full truth would make you look?

Next up is reliability. This has some overlap with honesty, but it’s also tied in with whether somebody can really count on you. Do you give up or flake out when your commitments start feeling too inconvenient or time-consuming? (If this is true for you, part of the problem might be that you’re overcommitted in the first place.)

Openness is also a key part of a strong relationship. Without it, your loved ones don’t see your own personal ups and downs. I know that was the standard approach for some of the generations ahead of mine, but think about the ways that vulnerability impacts a relationship: it lets others see areas where we could use some help or encouragement. It also helps them see that nobody has life figured out to the point that we no longer run into issues that weigh on us and occupy our thoughts more than we wish they did.

Kindness is an obvious one in a lot of ways, but it’s important to mention it because it’s so valuable to relationships. If we aren’t kind, we will create distance between us and the people around us. Healthy relationships need at least five positive moments or interactions for every negative one. That’s the golden ratio to keep people from feeling disconnected.

Finally, investment in relationships is so important. When people know that you’re “all in,” it changes things. They don’t need to feel as insecure or thrown off when you run into a problem; they can have confidence that you’re in it together, because they know you’re committed and invested.

When you work to improve in each of these areas, you’ll see your relationships improve and you’ll be winning more often at home.