Little Things Make a Big Difference

Audio By Carbonatix

Jim and Cheryl have been married for 30 years and have four children. Judging by the way they act, you would think they were honeymooners. Most people see them as a perpetually happy couple who probably never fight. It seems as though they are soul mates.

While Jim and Cheryl have a very healthy, strong marriage, it didn’t happen by chance. They didn’t just meet one day on a white, sandy beach and fall in love within minutes. They don’t always wake up each day and feel more in love then they did the day before. Some days they wonder why they married that person next to them in bed. But they don’t panic. They realize that no marriage is perfect. They knew that before they tied the knot. As a result, they put strategies in place before the wedding to help ensure their marriage would increase and grow.

They know that while love is the foundational piece to every marriage, it takes more than love to keep it strong. In order to have a “big” marriage, couples have to do a lot of little things.

One of the little things they do is never use the word “divorce” when they’re having an argument. Couples often use a line like, “Well maybe we should get a divorce” to spark a reaction from their spouse. Many times, these words are spoken out of anger and the person has no inkling of following through with it. Once the words are vocalized, the idea is planted and each time the couple has a disagreement, that same thought is subconsciously brought to their mind.

They’ve also committed to attend some kind of marriage retreat every year. It can be a half-day, full-day, overnight, or weekend event as long as the focus is on marriage. Jim and Cheryl have always said they don’t want to wait until their relationship is really in trouble before they go for help. If for some reason they can’t attend something, they will read a book together and discuss the contents as long as it forces them to examine their relationship and make improvements.

They agree they won’t talk negatively about one another to their friends or family. That’s not always easy, especially when they are at odds with each other. It’s tough for Cheryl when she’s at book club and everybody is complaining about their husband in some way or another. It’s also uncomfortable for Jim when he goes hunting with the guys, and they’re making jokes about their wives that are seemingly harmless, but certainly not positive.

What it boils down to is that when you decide to get married, you are really agreeing to think of your spouse before you think of yourself. It’s an exercise in denying what you want sometimes in order to do something for someone else. Jim and Cheryl understand that marriage is a partnership that doesn’t survive on the big things they do a few times a year, but it thrives on the little things they do every day.